Monday, January 14, 2019

65 - I Believe

As little as Delaney was, her dead weight atop him made it hard to breathe, but Jon didn’t uncinch the arms that bound them together.  He wasn’t ready to let go yet.  This bone-deep feeling that she belonged to him was worth every fucking mile and every moment of aggravation between Chicago and here. 

If he was a normal man, the weight and suddenness of these feelings would scare the fuck out of him, but all he could muster was a whole lot of contentment as her inner muscles rippled with aftershock against his still-buried dick.  There were too many times in his life when seizing an unexpected moment had changed the course of his life. 

Delaney was one of those moments, and even if she couldn’t get it through her thick head, it was still real.  This kind of intimacy couldn’t be bought or sold.  Like budding leaves in the spring or the change of their color in the fall, what they had was… 

Hell, he didn’t know what it was.  There was a metaphor or lyric to be made there.  Something that had to do with the appreciating the beauty of everyday miracles, but he wasn’t quite alert enough to pull it together. 

S’agapo,” she whispered into the side of his neck before chasing it with a soft kiss.  “I missed you.”

Jon didn’t stop his slow stroke of her hair when smiling gently into it.  That wasn’t one of the translations she’d gotten in the habit of providing.  Delaney had just said two very different things, and he happened to know that because….  Well, he’d suspected there would eventually be a need to know that bit of Greek, so he’d done a little preparatory research.  What could he say?  He was a planner.

He acknowledged the sweet declaration with a press of soft lips against to her forehead but didn’t confess his understanding.  Actions still meant more to him than words, and Delaney opening up to him would mean more than anything.

“Talk to me, Mou.”

“About what?”

“Yesterday.”

“Do I have to?”  She gently shifted off him to pull up the blanket.  After arranging it over them, her compact frame tucked into his side and a cheek settled contentedly against his shoulder.   “I’d rather just cuddle and pretend yesterday didn’t happen.”

It wasn’t quite the same as being buried inside her, but this new position allowed him to breathe more freely, so he wouldn’t complain. 

“Yes, you fucking have to, because this isn’t happening again.  You don’t get to go pick up some guy in a bar because you’re mad at me.  Especially when I don’t even know what the hell I did.”

The words were a bit harsh, but she didn’t seem upset by them.   A hand stroked pacifyingly over his belly in what he chose to perceive as an apology.

“I didn’t pick him up, and it didn’t happen just because I was mad.”  The words were almost too quiet to be heard.  “There were extenuating circumstances.”

“Such as?”

She scooted a little further down into the covers and admitted, “Yesterday was Violet and Poppy’s birthday.  They’re not a picnic for me, and this was the hardest I’ve had without them.”

Sending up a little prayer of gratitude that it seemed like the walls were finally going to come down, he opted not to complain that she’d purposely withheld their birthday.  “Pearl mentioned you went to see Violet.”

“Yeah.  I usually take some flowers and make sure the groundskeepers are doing a good job.  I never stay more than a couple of minutes.”

The fingers playing in his belly fur paused along with her explanation.  Evidently, he was going have to pull this out of her a sentence at a time, but he had no place else to be today.  If this was what it took, so be it. 

“Was yesterday different?”

“Yes.”  Delaney withdrew her hand and would’ve moved completely away had he not locked the arm that encircled her.   

“You can talk fine from right there.”

Tickling strands of hair slithered down his locked arm when she tilted her face.  The eyes that found his were a middling gray that held neither thunder nor lightning.  They were simply clouded. 

“I hold you responsible for it.”

“If I’m gonna get left holding the bag, you have to give me a reason why.”

“Because everything I’ve worked so hard to keep buried wants to surface since you came along with your guilt, sympathy and ‘get to know my daughter’ shtick.  Things got… messy.”

Jon palmed her cheek with an unapologetic, “I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.  Those buried things should’ve never been buried in the first place, and if my presence forced you to dig ‘em up, I’ll gladly shoulder the blame.”

“You say that because you weren’t the one lying on a grave and begging your dead daughter to tell you why her sister hates you.  God, I can’t believe that happened.”

The mental image of his feisty Mou broken and sobbing seized his gut, and he knew it would’ve killed him to see it in person.  Jon’s tough guy ass would’ve been lying right there with her, crying the same tears as she drowned in grief, but still….  He would’ve been there. 

It helped knowing that Pearl was by her side, but his only real consolation was that Delaney finally let herself mourn.  Now the real healing could begin. 

Drawing her into a tight embrace that was mostly for his own benefit, Jon's lips touched the softness of her forehead to both deliver and receive comfort.  “Didn’t you feel better afterward?”

“No,” she scoffed away his comfort.  “I felt freeping empty and alone.  Everyone has their little families to go home to at night – and then there’s me.  Coming home to the solitude last night would’ve been unbearable, so that’s why I talked Pearl into going out.”

The reminder of the photo in his text messages prompted a green-eyed monster to awaken and snort his displeasure.  “And invited some joker to paw your ass.”

“I didn’t invite him.  I just didn’t complain when he did.”

“Same fucking difference.”

Yes, he was being a big goddamn baby by letting the embrace go lax and fixing his gaze on the ceiling light, but dammit.  This was new for him.

Delaney was singularly unimpressed by the pout and used a harsh hand to angle his jaw.  Flinty eyes informed him, “I’m not going to apologize.  I did what I had to do to get through the day, and you’re going to have to get over it.”

“You could’ve fucking called and asked me to come home,” he growled, disliking the ultimatum. 

“Because that’s a good habit to develop.”  Her snort ridiculed him.  “Expecting you to drop everything and come running from wherever in the world you are.  I don’t think so.”

“I fucking know you’re self-sufficient, Delaney, but to use your words, these were extenuating circumstances.  I could’ve and would’ve come.  Hell, I did come.”

There was a little spark of angry lightning that accused, “Because you were mad.”

“Fucking right I was mad, but that’s not why I hauled ass back to New York.” 

Anger fizzled with the reminder of how Jon felt on that flight last night.  He’d imagined a million different scenes, a few of which involved her naked under another guy, but mostly it was just visions of her smiling through the pain that nobody else could see.  Nobody but him.

“Then why did you?”

Lifting a hand, he trailed light fingertips down the side of Delaney’s face and willingly exposed his softer side.

“I needed to know you were okay, Mou,” he confessed.  “To look past the bullshit you feed everybody else and see for myself that your soul was still intact.  I couldn’t rest without knowing my beautiful fighter was still fighting.”

Freepin’ fishsticks on a fancy platter. 

The love had come easy.  Like Petra said, it was just another four-letter word to Delaney.  It came and went with the change of seasons. 

What she had been struggling with since last weekend was the idea that this man – this rock star that she’d crushed on for decades – was her soul mate.  The one person Delaney had waited her whole life for.  She’d been fighting it because…  Well, just because.  It was too soon, too much, too unrealistic and half a dozen other things for a woman who was afraid to believe.

But she’d faced demons yesterday and survived. She wasn’t afraid of anything now.  Especially not the man watching her with such tenderness.

That look in his eyes wasn’t the one he used to flirt with fans.  It wasn’t one he used to charm the press.  It was the radiant blue aura of his soul – and it was the most beautiful thing she ever saw. 

This was happening, and it was real.

“Promise me you’ll never call anyone else that.”

His features softened just a fraction from their intense set.  “Promise.  You gonna tell me who Katya is?”

It amazed her that he didn’t know, but it was obvious he didn’t.  “You had your picture taken with her at a party in Chicago.  She was my assistant manager until I fired her yesterday.”

“The Nordic looking blonde?” he snorted with a roll of those baby blues.  “Jesus Christ, Mou, are you kidding me?  The only thing I called her was ‘sweetheart’, because I couldn’t remember her name.  I don’t even like her.  The woman’s a rapist in the making, and you’re the only reason she got five minutes of my time.”

“She knew your divorce wasn’t as sudden as it seemed.”

“So did a lot of people.  We’ve had the papers drawn up forever.  Maybe she knows a legal secretary or something who decided it was okay to blab now that they’re filed.   I don’t know, but she didn’t hear it from me.”

There was nothing but sincerity swimming in the irises of moire blue, and that’s all the reassurance Delaney needed.  Katya was still fired, but Jon was off the hook.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”  A lopsided smirk hitched his mouth as a heavy hand landed on her butt.  “If it’s that easy to put an end to this shit, maybe you could fucking call me next time and save us both a huge pain in the ass?”

Crawling on top of him to straddle his waist, Delaney smiled down into his face.  It was more than that.  His presence here meant everything.  He’d given her actions instead of words, and Jon was right.  The actions carried a lot more weight than the words did. 

That didn’t mean she wasn’t going to say them, though.

“S’agapo.”

The lopsided smirk evened out under twinkling eyes.  “You gonna tell me you missed me again, too?  Or are you gonna stick with just the ‘I love you’ this time?”

“You knew.”  It shouldn’t have surprised her, and maybe it didn’t.  Not really.  Sometimes she wondered if there was anything he didn’t know.

“Yep.  And when you finish telling my why you kept the twins’ birthday a secret, what sent you flying out of the kitchen last weekend, and every single thing that happened at the cemetery yesterday....  Maybe I’ll believe you.”

Cradling his whiskered face between her palms, Delaney bent forward until their lips were mere inches apart.  “You will believe.  Eísai i psychí mou.

“That one I don’t know.  Translate.”

Tracing a thumb over his arched eyebrow, she whispered, “You are my soul, Jon.  However crazy it seems to anybody else, my healing heart knows you’re the one.  Stay tuned for all the supporting action you could ever want.”

Brilliant white teeth gleamed in the morning sun, and there was a gentleness about him that made her insides go squishy.  She believed him.  She believed him before he ever uttered the quiet words, “I love you, Mou.  Eísai i psychí mou.”

He mangled it a little, but Greek had never sounded sweeter to Delaney’s ears.

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